I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
