I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
