I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
