I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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