community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
