Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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