Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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