tell your sister to shave her snatch
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
