Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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