nut hugger
wanna go halves on a baby?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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