I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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