i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
