I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
