I wish I could punch you in the face.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
