lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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