If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
