Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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