I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
