I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize