Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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