So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
