What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
