i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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