Don't you send me to vm
Will you blow on my dice?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
