In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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