i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
