When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
