Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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