Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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