I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
