I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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