im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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