I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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