phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
