but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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