In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it hurts more in the daytime
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
