Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
