I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
