I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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