You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
