mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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