omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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