Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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