I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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