If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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