eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
