Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
