just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
