cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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