took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?