Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.