i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
