In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
