yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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