He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
