I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
