I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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