They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
