her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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