It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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