I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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